i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm always down for nudity.
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