Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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