I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
