I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
