Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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