My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Please don't give away my fajitas
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