Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
