saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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