you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
