this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
