I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
