Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize