she woke up with a sticky ear
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
