he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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