So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
