sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
