I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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