Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
