If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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