I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
