if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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