I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
