Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
