Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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