I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
