I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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