I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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