I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
