The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
God, I missed his penis.
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