I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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