none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
