Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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