I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
