i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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