would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
