so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize