But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
