i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
