I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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