Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
