I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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