she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
