it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
