alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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