Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
