Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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