everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize