It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
