What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
