i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
