a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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