we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
