A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
