you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
