the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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