don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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