Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
