the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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