The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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