So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
