I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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