Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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