I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She's like a pop up book from hell.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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