Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
