party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
