Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
