there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
