I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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