Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
