So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
