so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
