why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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