Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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